If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
