I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got so high we made milksteak
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
