Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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