I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
