hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
