real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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