i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
