he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
