just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
