This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My pussy is not your playground.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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