Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
