So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
