his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you made out with another girl for some wings
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
