I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
