brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I want is dick and wine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
