last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
