Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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