Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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