can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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