can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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