So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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