yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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