I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We got so high we made milksteak
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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