last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
