I cockslap morals
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
