i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
