At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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