John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
