We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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