Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
