Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
