My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
