My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
