So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
