Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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