Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
