My room smells like vodka and shame
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
