I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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