I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
