I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
