alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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