He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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