I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
