I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
