i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
