she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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