so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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