Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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