Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
