billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
