cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
