i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
