You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
