Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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