some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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