Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
