I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
