billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
