It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
