based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
