Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
