I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
