There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
