i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
