I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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