have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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