you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
