He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
