I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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